Finding True North.

I wish I'd started this blog months ago.  It seems that all I ever talk about when I get around family and friends is my latest frustration with my diabetes program, a new trick I want to try that might help lower my blood sugars, or why it's so unfair that I can't nibble at parties.  If I'm not careful I'm going to exhaust everyone around me who has patiently listened to my complaints and reports on my ambitious endeavors.  So I'd better start this blog now to have an alternative outlet to divulge my journey - while I still have friends and my family still likes to be around me.

If I'm going to survive the whirlwind in my mind and the constant battle of my emotions, I need a way to document what I learn as I work through my goals. I feel like I'm fighting a dragon that only gets bigger as time goes by.  My little victories are too quickly overshadowed by the hard reality that as the placenta in my belly grows, my challenges increase.  It is a humbling thing to know that I can make all the best changes in the world to my diet and exercise and still fail in managing my blood sugars.

True to my nature, I have embraced everything within my power to conquer this disease, week by week changing to my latest idea or topic of research.  One week it was discovering ancient grains.  The next, a complicated spreadsheet that broke down a week's worth of meals and snacks into various nutritional categories.  And the latest, researching the safety and use of Glyburide to treat gestational diabetes.  The whirlwind seemingly never ceases.  I long for peace - to find the right attitude and outlook on my state of affairs.  I want to be responsible and do all that I can to learn and to manage this but to do so in a way that is in the proper perspective. 

In all the chaos, I am praying.  I am praying that God helps me to see things as I should.  I am praying that He helps me to trust Him when so much of what I'm striving to change is out of my control.  I am praying that He helps me to act according to right priorities - that I don't neglect what's really important in the pursuit of micro-managing what I might not be able to change anyway.  I am praying that through all of this He will bring me back to a correct focus and always be my True North.